ReAwakening to Life and Love
by RevSue
Summary: Set a year after the second PD movie, Clarisse thinks about past events while celebrating spring and Easter.


_Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters since Princess Diaries 1 & 2, and its characters are the property of Disney, Buena Vista, and Meg Cabot. I make no money from this work of fiction._

RE-AWAKENING TO LIFE ... AND LOVE

Winter in Genovia had seemed longer and harder than usual. Therefore, when Queen Mia suggested a Spring Celebration Festival, the idea took hold and everyone in the country threw themselves wholeheartedly into preparations. Even the Archbishop agreed that a celebration was needed now that the sun was warming and the rains were slowing down. Indeed, in his meditation on Easter Sunday, he said, "The festival of spring marks a process of rebirth and revitalization. In the Christian tradition, it is called Easter, the festival of resurrection. It celebrates the risen Christ, but resurrection implies more than the one-time arising from the grave of the physical body. In each minute of each hour, we have the possibility to be born anew, to let go of the past and move on. When old patterns of thought and emotion are discarded, when old habits and beliefs are outgrown and set aside, we are free to meet every new situation unconditionally. There comes a time when memories must be let go in order to make room for new life and new memories. The letting go shall always be painful and tear-filled, but the tear-filled pain of letting go is the very force which makes possible and gives birth to the new life. Without pain, there can be no new life and no new memories. Springtime brings beauty to our earth and hope to our souls as we open to life more abundant and are made new."

He went on to say that all the turmoil experienced in the past year with the changes in the country reminded him of something he had read about something quite different. He paraphrased that paragraph, saying: "Trouble is quite limited. It cannot cripple love, it cannot shatter hope, it cannot corrode faith, it cannot eat away peace, it cannot destroy confidence, it cannot kill friendship, it cannot shut out memories, it cannot silence courage, it cannot invade the soul, it cannot reduce eternal life, it cannot quench the spirit, it cannot lesson the power of the resurrection! Thus, I'd like to suggest that we all take time today just to celebrate life itself and for no other reason. Celebrate, because not to is to shrivel up in bitterness, not to is to be trapped in our own toxicities, not to is to die of despair. This means finding kindred souls with whom to dance, share rituals, love, and laughter. This means coming to the Spring Celebration at the palace this evening!"

As they gathered to make their entrance to the Spring Celebration Festival, Joseph looked at his wife, her grand-daughter, and the ever-faithful Charlotte. All three were wearing yellow. Clarisse's dress made him think of a traditional daffodil as the bodice was a deep orange which shaded into bright yellow for the sleeves and the full knee-length skirt which hung as if ruffled like the edges of the flower. Mia's dress had more white in it, with yellow highlights, and Charlotte's was a deeper shade of gold.

Unable to resist, Joseph quoted William Wordsworth:

"I wandered lonely as a cloud

That floats on high o'er vales and hills,

When all at once I saw a crowd,

a host, of golden daffodils."

Charlotte smiled at him, Mia laughed aloud, and Clarisse broke off a daffodil from the profusion in the vase by the door and tucked it into his lapel. "You have been wearing black even longer than I did. There. Some people say that the daffodil means 'my fond hopes have been dashed by your behaviour', but mostly I've heard that the daffodil says 'the sun is always shining when I'm with you.' You are the sun in my life, Joseph," and she gently touched his cheek, her blue eyes shining with the love she felt for him.

Joseph cleared his throat, pretending he was not feeling sentimental. "Well, I've heard that daffodils signify unrequited love, great regard and respect, and chivalry..."

"Some of that fits you, Joe," Mia broke in. "Except for the unrequited love, that is."

"Not now, anyway," added Charlotte, her eyes dancing as she smiled at the older couple.

"And we all know that the warmer air and longer days of spring bring forth renewed optimism and vigour, so there's always hope, Joe!" Mia finished.

"I believe we are going to be late, Mia," Clarisse looked sorry she had started this conversation.

"Nope, we're not." Mia said, grinning. "I'm the queen. I can't be late. You said so, yourself, Grandma! It's not OUR fault everyone else is early!"

Chuckling, Charlotte obeyed Clarisse's look and nodded to the footmen to throw open the doors and announce the royal party. The three swept into the ballroom which was filled with a variety of spring flowers, predominantly daffodils, tulips and lilies, as per Clarisse's instructions. On the palace lawn, outside the centre French doors, an enormous pile of wood had been placed ready for the ceremonial lighting as the beginning of the festival. The bonfire was meant to symbolize the death of winter and the coming of light, the triumph of good and the destruction of the old.

At Mia's signal, the Archbishop spoke a few words then the fire was lit. Everyone gathered around the bonfire, whispering and smiling at each other. Joseph took Clarisse's hand in his and held it firmly. As they watched the flames, Clarisse thought back to one of the lowest moments in her life. She had just been recovering from Rupert's death when Philippe's accident occurred. Joseph had been the one to bring her the news. Pain had welled up from the deepest part of her being, and to her horror, she had cried like she had never cried before. He had pulled her close then, and awkwardly patted her back. Then he had coaxed her even closer and had whispered words of consolation in her ear. Her sobs had lessened, and she had turned her face to his. As he had continued to nuzzle her ear, she had turned to him fully, her sobs turning into whimpers, whimpers into kisses, until her mouth was on his and she was kissing him so deeply it had staggered them both. She had clutched him fiercely as he had returned the kisses. Finally he had allowed himself to gently cradle her face in his palms while the sensations had sent dizzying waves reeling through both of their bodies.

The next instant, shocked at her response, she had jerked free of his hold. "Don't ever touch me like that again!" Her voice had been low and vehement.

Taken aback, his jaw had clenched momentarily, then he had said deliberately, "That should not be a difficult request with which to comply. After all, I did not kiss you first."

Her eyes wide, she had sucked in her breath. "Oh! I turned to you for comfort, and you ... you took advantage of me in a weak moment!"

"If that's how you truly feel, your Majesty, then the least I can do is quit and remove myself from your presence forever."

"NO! Oh, Joseph, please ... I ... I'm sorry ..." In a moment she had been in tears again, her trembling hand reaching out to him.

"No, your Majesty, it is I who should be sorry. Forgive me ..." He immediately had become the friend she had so desperately needed in that time of sorrow and bitter regret, and neither had referred to the incident again.

Now, six years later, she had to say something to him about that time. She owed it to him, to herself, and to her hopes for a future free of past guilt and destructive actions. "Joseph?" she whispered, and he leaned closer to hear her. "I just wanted to say ... about the night of Philippe's accident ..."

Joseph's arm went around her before she could finish. "I know, and I understand, Clarisse. I did then. We can put that episode down as forgotten ... except for the fact that I really LOVED kissing you, then teasing you because you started it!"

She opened her mouth to refute his statement, then smiled. "All right. We'll forget it. Thank you."

"Thank YOU, Clarisse."

The children began scrambling around the dimly-lit lawn hunting for coloured Easter eggs, and sprinkling water on everyone who remained outside. Most of the adults immediately moved indoors, to stand and visit around the buffet tables, to sit and reminisce, to dance to the soft music spilling out into the night.

While Clarisse was speaking briefly to Lord and Lady Palimore, Joseph was suddenly behind her saying, "Clarisse, my dear, they're playing our song."

Clarisse looked at him in surprise, then her face softened in remembrance of the time in San Francisco when he had first begun teaching Mia to dance, and he had drawn Clarisse onto the dance floor after Mia's departure. She made her excuses and went gladly into her husband's arms. "Oh, Joseph ... I love you," she whispered.

As they danced, Clarisse found herself reminiscing again. She relived that time on the dance floor in the Genovian Embassy in San Francisco as they danced what Mia had termed the Wango. Clarisse felt again her awakening and burgeoning desire, her shallow breathing, her nerves so sensitized that even the swirl of her skirt was sending shivers through her. The movements of the dance had them shifting and changing, bodies touching briefly only to part. When they had touched, it was as if they had bonded, and when they parted it was as if something whole had been torn apart. Her eyes had met his and she had found it impossible to look away. His eyes were speaking secrets into hers, although neither made a sound. Her heart had thundered, the blood had roared in her ears and heat that had nothing to do with the temperature in the room had crept across her neck. That dance had engendered pure excitement in her, something she hadn't allowed herself to feel for years. She had enjoyed the nearly forgotten sensation, however. She had enjoyed and even savoured the staring match with her friend of so many years. Joseph had drawn her slowly closer until they were joined together in a way that was quite improper for a queen and her Head of Security. At last they had stopped the pretence of dancing and merely looked at each other. Clarisse, feeling an aching desire melting her resistance, had known at that moment that she was awakening again to life and to love. Then they had been interrupted as the Prime Minister had come with some questions about the upcoming Independence Day ball.

"Clarisse? Are you feeling all right?"

Clarisse came back to the present with a start to find Joseph eying her quizzically. "Oh, Joseph, I'm sorry. I'm feeling, well, introspective, actually. I've been thinking a lot about what was said today about spring, and new life, vigour, etc. and I've decided it's true. A hundred springs may come and go, but each lifts the heart without effort."

"Well, they do say that spring is always young, even though we aren't..." Joseph grinned.

"With you, it will always be spring for me," Clarisse said softly, and she kissed him lightly, oblivious to the crowd around them.


End file.
